Polish Power Teaches You How To Polish Your Personal Persona

12-26-07 5:04 AM friend response

Dear Ralph

I wish I could just say to "Well of course it all makes sense now." But it Doesn't seem to work that way. I have been to get professional help.

I have tried to pick my self up kick myself in the ass and keep moving. That worked when I was young but it kept getting more and more difficult until now I can only muster enough energy to stay on my feet for one or two days at a time. Sometimes my body is so exhausted but my brain goes too fast.

Filling with things nightmares are made of and yet many of them I have actually lived through.I am a Vietnam Vet.

You know the war some of us were spit on and emasculated for taking part in. I was Seventeen when I volunteered.

Thinking I was getting away from the violent home I grew up in. Or should I say didn't grow up in. Talk about the fry pan into the fire.I tried to get into the marines but my old man wouldn't sign for me unless I went into the Army.

Of course as soon as I got the signature I volunteered Airborne Ranger. Even though I was in way over my head somehow I made it. I often think I was never supposed to have lived.

I was just so damn scared most of the time only my training got me through. I remember many times thinking My legs are never going to work because they felt so weak and shaking but somehow they always did. Or being so scared thinking everyone in the jungle must be able to hear my heart beating in my throat, and the horror of being sprayed with someone Else's blood and internals.

I spent almost a year in Walter Reed Psychiatric facility trying to recover. I did go back to full active duty as an instructor until my discharge date.

I don't know why I am telling you all of this. I guess it is just easier since I don't really know you. I believe you are of a good heart and mind and that you are really trying to make a positive difference in this world.

I hope you continue to do so.

As far as punishing others it is very difficult for me to imagine my going away as a punishment. I tend to think of it more as a relief.

Then they don't have to bother thinking about me anymore. There are much more talented people out there to do some of things I have done and I am sure they can do them better than I ever could.

I almost always feel like I am just some big buffoon when I try to do good things. like people just laugh and say look there goes the Vietnam Vet trying to do good again. Maybe someday he'll get the hang of it.

Well anyway I have been enjoying our chats.